Sunday, March 21, 2010

Relaxing Day

Saturday was a relaxing day for me. The sight of the epidural injection was sore, not painful, just some pressure. I took the doctor's advice and did not do any walking or lifting AT ALL. Momma came over to take me to Wal-Mart and to pick up my prescriptions. I am always grateful that she is able to do this, since sometimes she doesn't feel up to par herself.
     I found two very nice 5x7 frames on sale for $2 bucks each, some body scrub for $2 dollars, and I purchased some johnsons foot soap to do a pedicure. I put together a few groceries, and got the cat litter;  and I still have about $6 dollars left and my $10 dollars for copays next week. Dad was very kind in helping me out.
     I am going to get new tennis shoes at the first of the month and i can not wait. The ones i have are old. I really need some type of other shoe to wear around other than walking; and keep the tennis shoes JUST for doing my walks. I will have to see what I can come up with.
     I am doing a little bit of cross stitching each day. I can't do it for long, so I don't strain my eyes. I am still putting drops in them too. My two week check up is this tuesday. then I only have another 4 to 6 weeks to go...I am putting my gucci frames on layaway and will get them out when i can.
     I tired very easily today, but considering how much I had been doing before~~I probably have gone into shut down mode. So I will just take it as it comes...Rest when I need to . That is all for now...the 'Queen of UFO's' signing off, hugs, pamela

Friday, March 19, 2010


Well, I got up this morning and walked 3 miles to start my day off right! It felt so good to be taking care of myself! I showered and got dressed early as I had a doctor's appt with Lupi. He did an epidural in my lumbar spine between 3 and 4 where it is hitting on the root nerve. So, I wont be doing any extra curricular activities today! Just Stitching!
    Yesterday, I went to coffee social that James has every Thursday morning. I had already seen Ellen out at the edge of the field with Mandy as I was walking. Sure enough she went to social also. We were pleasant to each other and I even made eye contact with her as some conversations went on. It was sad though when Mandy got excited to see me; and she had to correct mandy as she was wearing her service vest.
     Joy, the property manager, asked me into her office and shut the door. She told me that Ellen told her yesterday that everything was 'fine and great'. Ellen told her that she was getting comcast internet to set up her new computer. But Joy knows as well as I do, Mandy is not being taken care of properly. AND Ellen has done this with every relationship she has had in this building since she has lived here. Joy told me not to worry about it and move on. I was surprised but relieved that Joy and I talked about it.
     Anyhow, I am doing okay...I missed my morning chat with Maraline...wonder what she is up to?? Maraline if you are out there---give me a shout!! hugs to all, pamela

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

An End to a Friendship...

Ellen and I have had a falling out and I wanted to tell you some of what happened yesterday. This way is easier than trying to message you or explain it all at once. Kind of gives you a heads up before hand.

I haven't slept much but I am not that tired. I had a late nap yesterday evening. Yesterday was a very strange day. I woke up late, but in a good mood. My lease papers were ready to be signed in Joy's office at 9am. Ellen called me right before nine; and said she wanted to go to Wal-mart, petsmart & target to stock me up on supplies for mandy. I would start having her 24/7 starting today. Well I told Ellen that sounded like a plan--to go ahead and get ready, that I was going to sign those papers, then walk mandy and we could go.

Well when I got back from signing the papers, Ellen was on my computer playing her game. This unnerved me. For the past several nights she had been staying up all night playing this new game on yahoo. And, I had already told her twice that I wanted a cut off time of 10:30 p.m. But she just kept ignoring the hints I was dropping; and me flat out telling her I didn't want her in the house after 10 o'clock.

We didn't even get out of here to close to noon; and we no more get into the car and she is already bitchin'. We get onto Altama Dr. and she doesn't head to GoodWill to drop off a box that is taking up space in the trunk. She snaps at me that it can be put in the backseat if necessary. Once again, it unnerves me that she is constantly putting off stuff--that dammit procrastination shit!

She can't find what she wants at Wal-mart. I say to her, 'Well I thought we were going to target anyways?' When we leave there and go to GoodWill, some woman in a mercedes pisses her off while I am inside the store getting a receipt. Ellen is ranting and raving on Altama Dr. again about people, places and things! Mind you it is never about 'me, myself, and I! The blame always goes on the other person. She passes the turn to Target. I said, 'Ellen there is target'...she says, 'oh shit, well we will just have to do it another day'...and I think to myself, she just wants to get home to my house to play that fucking game on MY computer!! Plain and simple! I was fit to be tied.

I said, 'Ellen I thought we were going to get this all done today?' and she replies, 'Pamela, I don't feel good and I am pissed off, so don't fuck with me right now.' She turns into her bank to make a transaction. I said, 'Ellen, you need an Attitude Adjustment, you can kindly take me home'...but when she pulls out we are headed back to target. I say, 'Ellen where are you going?' she says, 'we are going to target like YOU want to do', and I said,'oh noooo, take me home right now! I no longer wish to be around you!'

We pull up to the apt.s and I leave the wonder wheel cart and my canvas grocery bags in the trunk, and I don't even look back. I get into my apt. put on my coffee and start journaling. Then, I started dusting. An hour later she calls, 'I can bring the wonder wheel over, so I can get my cart back' she had left her cart here. 'Can we talk?' she says. And I say, 'I think I have calmed down enough so that we can talk rationally.

Well to make a looonnnnggg story short...NO we did not talk amicably. NOR did we not argue. It turned into a three ring circus. I wished her luck and all the best. I have been carrying about 90% of the load for her. I have never felt so relieved in all my life. I owe her a grand. She paid for my eye surgery. I even typed her up a document that said I would pay her back $100 dollars a month starting April 1st until it is paid in full. This was after she told her best friend Karen that she didn't think she would ever see the money. I asked her 'what kind of person do you think I am?' My gosh!

I even talked to my dad on the phone in front of her to set some things straight. Told her to get on the phone with him for not believing me. She tried to say that I lied to my parents about some things. I straightened her out on that in a heart beat...I am NOT a dammit Liar!

I loaded her cart with ALL of her groceries except what I remembered starting out with before she came into my home. I had tuna fish, spaghetti fixins, chicken, pasta, soup, and staple items. She tried to take mandy's dog food and I said, 'oh hell no! I paid for that bag here in my apt.' so she brought me $20 dollars to put it in her cart. The dog treats and biscuits I purchased I told mom she could have for their dogs because I paid for them with my own money.

I didn't realize she had so much stuff over here. It took her two or three loads to get it all to her house in a cart. then, she had to use a flash drive to get everything off my computer and I had to delete her files off. that took awhile, and she had the nerve to log onto her game to let people know she would be gone for awhile. what a pity!

And who really loses here?!!~~poor mandy!! she won't get walked, or fed on time, and she will lick sores on her paws raw to the bone because of the way she is taken care of!! I feel so sorry for her. It just breaks my heart.

Well there was a lot more said and done but I think yahll get the picture. I am okay and really do feel a big weight lifted off my shoulders. She was really asking too much of me~~doing her grocery shopping, lugging all that upstairs and putting it away, cooking dinner every night, cleaning up the kitchen, doing her laundry when she didn't feel up to it (last time i did 7 loads!! folded and pressed)!! And she was doing less and less.

My momma said she was worried that this friendship would end like this. She wants to see me continue walking although I wont have mandy. I will. I can walk on the sidewalk around the building instead of in the field. I really need to close this as I am getting too emotional again. I want to bring you up to date as to today's actual events after I collect myself. I am chatting with friends on the internet right now and getting lots of support and advice and that listening ear and shoulder to cry on. Thanks to everyone for being so patient with me. I can only grow from this.
     Lord, help me to remember that nothing is going to happen to me today that you and I together cant handle. pamela

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Where has the TIME gone??

First of all, I would like to thank everyone for their comments and prayers on my first three postings. Let me try to explain why I went MIA. Ellen got home, as I said, and she was like death warmed over. Much worse than I thought. That first week, I just didn't know if she was going to have to be admitted to a Hospital or not. Karen, her personal advocate and best friend stayed for a couple of days, but had to return home.
     Well, I dove right in to getting Ellen back on track. It has taken this long--since my last posting to say that we are just now starting to LIVE peacefully one day at a time AGAIN. I have had my left eye operated on. I have lost over 70 lbs since my weight loss surgery on October 15!!! I am having my right eye done on this Monday and I will be so glad when this is all over and I can see correctly. I will have to wear reading glasses...but no more glasses!! WOW. One day after surgery on my Left Eye...I could read 20/30 vision from it. That just totally amazes me.
     When Ellen got home and was too sick to walk her 12 year old lab/chow mix service dog, Mandy--I jumped right in! I needed the excercise anyways! And I love Mandy...she has grown on me since I first met Ellen. Well, I have taken over the care for Mandy and it has been decided that I will officially be co-owner of Mandy by december when she actually retires as a service dog. I am so thrilled!! I brush and groom Mandy--clip her nails--which ellen can't believe she lets me do them--I walk Mandy a lot more than she was getting walked with Ellen. This is so good for the both of us.
     Mandy has started spending the night with me. Some nights, like tonight, Ellen called for Mandy to come and Mandy wouldn't budge. We were both headed out the door--Ellen to go home and I to do laundry. Ellen said, 'call Mandy.' And I said, 'Mandy come!' and she leaped up and came right to me. Ellen said, 'what a piece of work!' LOL I told Ellen it melts my heart, but it makes me love Ellen even more!
     I do the cooking and cleaning up for dinner and sometimes for lunch. I usually cook enough food to have leftovers for lunch then something fresh for dinner the next night. And Ellen appreciates this very much. She does things for me. Like when all this came up about my eye surgery for cataracts...medicaid wouldn't pay for the astigmatism part....which is really stupid. Medicaid would fix the cataracts but then I would still be wearing very thick lenses to see. So, when Ellen heard this, she asked 'well, how much is the doctor going to charge you for the correction of the astigmatism with the new lenses in your eyes?' I droaned to tell her....$800 dollars The next thing I know we are in her car headed to the eye doctor; and Ellen writes a check for $800 dollars. She said, "that is really stupid to go through all of this and not have the astigmatism fixed."
     Words just can't express what her friendship means to me. We have both been burned so many times before in friendships. It is nice to know we can depend on each other to help out in what ever ways possible that we can AND be appreciated.
     So, I have done very little stitching because of my eyes...had to wait 2 weeks between the left and the right eye...and before i had the left eye done there was a week and a half wait. And prior to me finally going to the eye doctor I was having migrane headaches. so, this has been a LONG ordeal for me.
     I am still in one on one  counseling with Jo Miller. She is so great. The past three sessions we have had were all paperwork for the new year. We did get to touch base on the fact that my mind has not caught up with the fact of how much weight i have lost. I mean --come on --70 lbs!! that is a small child!! that is what my best friend Valerie said when she came down from bamberg. I enjoyed visiting with her for the day. And we went thrift store shopping and out to eat at a mexican restuarant. Back to the counseling...I have very low self esteem...and depression. I am also not sleeping well. My son is a marine and he was deployed to afghanistan. I am not happy about that at all.
     the doctor put me on two Klonopin per day instead of just one. It does help. The pain in my knees is some better. I got cortisone shots in both of them and I go back to the specialist in a month. He said my problem is arthritis and fibromyalgia. But I am out there walking every day! The pain in my neck and my back have still not been authorized by medicaid. They told the doctor that i had severe chronic pain....and so they turned me down for physical therapy because they said...her pain will never go away....HOW STUPID...It could HELP IT though!! GESHE jimney christmas.
      All my animals are doing good. Fantail has a clean tank right now, Heidi has been chirping away....Church, goofy cat, he is right behind me now meowing for attention LOL. Mandy is gaurding the front door. And I am so tired right now ...I think I could fall asleep!!
    So I am logging off, wishing everyone happiness and peace! your friend, pamela